Thanksgiving Neurosis

Today I wasn’t going to write because I had nothing deep or insightful to say. I tried. I watched an incredibly moving speech. I read inspirational quotes. I started delving into a post that would have been deep in subject but shallow in sincerity; it would have been my representative writing what she thought people would respond to and I am too tired for that shit. In two days it’s Thanksgiving and my recent acceptance of domestic inadequacy in combination with my husband being out of town last week has left our house in complete shambles and me feeling completely underwater.

I’m getting irritated and edgy about how much I have left to do (exactly the opposite of my initial vision of gracefully preparing in a zen-like state, focusing on the really important things like being grateful and family…I swear to god every time I host something it’s like I’ve never met my anxious, self-judging, high-octane self before. Seriously woman, you’re 33 and you’ve never hosted anything without basically losing your shit so why would this be any different. Facepalm.)  And, like sharks or bees or whatever animal senses emotions, my kids can smell all my weakness. Their whines become slightly more shrill and infinitely louder. Their feet drag just a little more. Their bedtime procrastination/torture technique requests get later and more bizarre; it’s no longer just a glass of water that’s required, it’s a fully costumed tea party. Oh and while you’re at it could you  please move the heating vent from one place on the wall to a different location because apparently heating vents near the ceiling are no longer acceptable. I can’t make this up. Needless to say bedtime has become embarrassingly late.

Or maybe I’m just irritated and imagining things. Also a very real possibility.

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Me tomorrow. Or no, today because how the hell is it after midnight.

So even though I’m not writing anything earth shattering I am going to put this in the win category because a.) I’m writing anyways and b.) I’m writing what want to write and not what I think I should want to write.

As a side note, I really think someone needs to start renting out ovens by the day just for these types of occasions. Seriously, no normal person can time things out well enough for just one oven. There’s a need here, people. And if it does exist (I’m too lazy to Google it) why is it not advertised? The masses would definitely use a non-commercial oven rental service on Thanksgiving. Just saying.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve Eve to all my fellow neurotic hosts/hostesses. May your turkey cook thoroughly and no one at your table come down with a food-born illness.

And now for your viewing pleasure, my cleaning procrastination technique Pinterest Success of the day:

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I made an art gallery wall for some of the kid’s artwork. I have 7,000 things I should be doing to get ready for Thanksgiving, both kids were in underwear and this is what I chose to do with my time. 

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