So my very first article was published yesterday on Her View from Home which is SO EXCITING and also a COMPLETE letdown because I’m not an instant success and it’s been 24 hours and I’m still waiting on an agent to contact me for a book deal.
KIDDING!!!!! It’s amazing and I’m so thankful my piece was chosen. I’m also completely on edge because I’ve thought of about 1,000 different ways I should have/could have/would have written the piece and I fear it may not be “performing well” on the site (aka getting site views). But here’s the thing. It all brings me back to one of my words of the year. Trust.
Trust is about believing the universe is pointing me in the right direction even if it’s the opposite way from where I wanted or planned to go. Trust is about recognizing that I don’t get to have all the answers right now no matter how much that makes me twitch. So even though I want to rip my piece to shreds, this year I’m devoted to trusting that the version I wrote was the version the universe needed right now. That even if only 3 people ever see this piece they will be the right 3 people. The 3 people who need to read my words or find my blog. And maybe those 3 people will all hate what they read and even that is okay when you trust that in the long run their hatred will take you where you need to go.
I look back at the last year of my life and how hard it was to see where it was going. Moving to a city where we didn’t actually know anyone, quitting my job, starting this blog…there were parts I fought like hell. I resisted and cried and basically worked myself into one giant snit. I was probably pretty damn tough to like or even love sometimes as I thrashed against the choices I made, trying to bend my circumstances to my will. The results happened anyways, as they always do, without my input and instead of denting whatever situation I was in, I only dented myself. And now, looking back at my struggle and fear, I wouldn’t alter the results one iota.
Trust. I trust that this year will unfold how it’s meant to unfold. That even the most difficult decisions will lead me to where I’m meant to be. That even if I don’t like where I end up, even momentarily, it will all turn out alright and that my vision may not come to fruition but that isn’t always a bad thing. It may, in fact, be better than I could have ever imagined.
I also have to trust my first draft skills here because there’s a small child standing next to me smelling like poop and if I don’t get something out right now it’s not happening at all today. So please forgive the inevitable grammar errors!